


Back where I belong now, was it just a dream?

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Character Death, Cheating, Ficlet, Introspection, Jealousy, M/M, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 06:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14688411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: When the world is insane, you get used to the pain.





	Back where I belong now, was it just a dream?

_When the world is insane, you get used to the pain._

Keito kept repeating himself that, over and over again.

Just like he had done for years.

He had repeated himself he would've gotten used to the pain when his mother had left and never come back.

He had repeated himself during all those nights when he tried not to cry, he had repeated it while he watched his father staring into space, off, trying to be something he could’ve relied on, when they should’ve been that for each other.

And that time had passed, and if he thought about his mother again he was capable of not holding any grudge toward her.

Keito had learnt how to be happy.

He had learnt to let go, to love and be loved as if it was something natural for him, when it really wasn’t.

Yuto had taught him that.

The same Yuto to whom he owed all his smiles in these past few years, the same Yuto who had shown him that there weren’t only bad things waiting for him, that he didn’t have to be alone, that he shouldn’t have surrendered to pain and gotten used to it.

Keito had believed him. And he had given Yuto all of himself.

_When the world is insane, you get used to the pain._

He should’ve imagined that, he should’ve known that.

He had forgotten, in time, how insane the world was, how much people were able to hurt each other, sometimes without thinking about the consequences of their actions.

Keito had come to the bitter conclusion that no one was ever completely good or unselfish, and that no one is capable of loving forever without feeling the instinct to flee.

That’s what he had understood when he had seen them.

That’s what he had understood when he had come back to the dressing room after the shootings for the Shounen Club, when he had seen Yuto leaning against the wall, when he had seen Hikaru on him, kissing him as if he wanted to eat him alive.

He had understood that in that insane world there was nothing he could’ve trusted, only himself.

That night he had thought he should’ve made another effort not to cry, but he had surprised himself finding out he had no desire to cry at all.

He was tired to be the desperate one, when others should’ve pitied themselves and their inability to keep promises.

The same was the next night, and the next one.

Until the pain was turned into rage toward all that surrounded him, and he got up from bed trying not to make any noise, not to wake the younger sleeping next to him, unaware, almost innocent.

Hypocrite.

He went into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror, and he felt a sudden desire of killing himself.

But it went away right after, because he didn’t want to be another one of those people who had hurt him, because he shouldn’t have been the one suffering all over again, because it was time someone would've paid for all that had been done to him, for all the tears and the sleepless nights, and the deluded hopes and for his heart, of which the wasn’t much left.

Once out of the bathroom he went to the kitchen, then back to the bedroom.

When he was close enough, Yuto opened his eyes.

The tip of the knife.

It was the only thing he saw, and it was the last.

Keito didn’t overkill, because he was tired and because it was pointless.

Once he was sure he was dead, he laid back on his side of the bed, closing his eyes.

He could rest, finally.

The next day, he would've learnt how to live with this new kind of pain.


End file.
